Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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