Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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