Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
