saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
