You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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