Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
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