Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
