So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
