i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
