I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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