you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
