Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
