I just saw a hot homeless man
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
