her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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