i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So vagazzling was a success
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
