I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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