bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
