Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
