Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
