he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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