Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
