thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Of course I have a pirate flag
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
