kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
