How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.