True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
