Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
