ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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