Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
