I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
