I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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