better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
no you cant smoke seaweed
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
