Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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