You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
