These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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