If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
