I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
