Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There r osticjed everywhere
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I have tasted many bathrooms
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
