No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
