Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
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did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
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I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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