dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
