Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
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Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
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I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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