I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I bet he comes in French.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
