Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
