i think i scared a bird with my dick
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
