Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
