By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
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You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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