So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
