She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
