Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
