He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
