captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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