I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
