Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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