Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
