I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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