what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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