I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
