Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
