Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
