Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
