Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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