so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
