You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Farmville is her only friend.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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