It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
