I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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