His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
