Non-Jews are for practice
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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