cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
