she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
