I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just had sex bonerless
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
