I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
